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An Un-calibrated Life

Living life without hearing the voice of a father saying "well done son" can be torturous with pain bleeding well over into adulthood. Despite how trivial they may seem, these words from a father, regardless of whether you won the game or delivered your lines in the play flawlessly or scored well in the test, are so very important. Even when we don't do well, we long for the reassuring words of our dads.

I often speak about the differentiated outcomes that occur as a result of fatherlessness. Some of us spiral into negative responses while some of us become what I call achievement junkies. We work harder, play harder, train harder, study harder, do everything harder. But why is this? I think that the two things are related.

As a self confessed acheivement junkie myself, i acknowledge that the absence of validation from my father has resulted in my feeling of being uncalibrated. I have no measuring guidelines that indicate what "well done" looks like. This may seem like an advantage since I am pushed to achieve excellence but it can also be a source of significant pressure. Check out this video that features Hall of Fame bound football superstar Ray Lewis as he discusses the impact of his fatherless experience.

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